Freshman year is over. I am almost 19 years old, with only 3 years
left of college. Then I’ll be moving on
to bigger and better things and starting my life on my own. I remember the first day of 1st grade
like it was yesterday. I was the first
person to line up to go inside the school so my new teacher dubbed me the line
leader for the year and I got to hold the 1st Grade sign so everyone
lined up behind me. I felt so special,
so mature. Now, almost 15 years have
passed since that day.
I feel like my life is passing
before my eyes, before I have a chance to catch it. Maybe I’ve been spending so much of my time
thinking about the future that when it actually comes, I barely have time to
enjoy it. Everything we do is supposedly
in preparation for the future. We study
and get good grades in high school so that we get into the college we want,
then we have to do well and be involved in college so that we get the jobs that
we want, and then we have to find a husband or a wife that will take care of us
in the future, and make enough money so we are stable in the future. Why can’t we just enjoy the present? Everything we’ve ever done has been leading
up to this moment that we are in now, so why are we always thinking about the
next one?
The future scares me. I barely have a grip on the present, how am I
going to take care of my future? I’m
terrible with commitment, I’m terribly impulsive and never think things all the
way through before making a decision.
Maybe that’s because I’m better at handling the consequences than the
regret of making the wrong choice. I
like to make mistakes. I’m good at
making mistakes. I’m used to making
mistakes. I believe that making mistakes
is the only way to better yourself. Because
if you never do anything wrong, how do you know that you’re getting it
right?
I want to live a full life. I read books about fabulously fascinating
people who have done all thing crazy cool things with their lives and have gone
on so many adventures. People who have
learned from their mistakes and have lived to tell the tale. That’s the kind of person I want to be. I love being spontaneous. But sometimes I feel like I do things in my
life just to say that I did them, just to have those stories in the
future. We live in a terribly fake age,
where everything must be recorded and put on Facebook for the world to see or
else it isn’t real. We live in a world
where nothing matters until other people see pictures or read about it
online. Our lives are so intertwined
with the rest of the world it’s hard to sort out what is truly ours. Not even
our own memories are truly our own. We
share those with everyone else too.
I know I’m just rambling now; there
is no real point to any of this. I just
like to get my thoughts out. I wonder if
I’m the only person who thinks about these types of things, like life and the
future and what we are doing in the world.
It’s incredibly hard to grasp. I’m
just trying to figure myself out. I do a
lot of really stupid things, but somehow I always seem to make it out
okay. I just hope that my luck won’t run
out any time soon.
