So keeping up with my new resolutions, I have been going to the gym a lot more than last semester. At least so far. I had a little bit of a relapse this past weekend (aka I sat in bed most of the day and watches tv to avoid the hardship of walking to the gym) but this week is a new beginning. I've gone everyday so far, it's only tuesday but I am still allowed to be proud of myself. And I'm sore! Which is good! Except I'm finding it increasingly difficult to get out of bed in the mornings and even harder to get up from my chair after classes which really isn't helping my image. However, I keep thinking about the ultimate goal and the happiness of success and that keeps me going. I can get through a few more days of being sore to be hot when it comes time to take my clothes off in the summer.
..With a bikini underneath of course.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Resolution #10 accomplishment!
Tonight I went to the Republican Presidential Candidate Debate in Charleston! Something totally different and out of my comfort zone, and it was a complete success.
Emily and I decided that it was a Rare opportunity to be so close to an important debate and to have the opportunity to go. So we went. It cost 45 dollars and my mom payed for it, thank goodness, and it turned out to be well worth the investment. The energy in the arena was electrifying, wish everyone cheering or booing for their favorite candidate. I couldn't help but get into it, finding myself not only cheering but also understanding what the candidates were talking about. The issues of abortion, illegal immigration, the economy, states rights, and job creation were suddenly riveting, suddenly so relevant to my life. I don't stop to think about those things enough on a regular basis. How the whole world is connected and how though I may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, I can really make a difference. And who we elect into office truly has an effect on my own life.
This experience really did help me appreciate our country and our political system. It opened my mind to the wonders of politics. It made me feel a part of something bigger than myself, something I never really thought I could be a part of. Just listening to the candidate speak, it was enchanting. How they form their sentences and carefully form thief body language to convey a message, to get the audience to believe them, even if everything they are saying is a complete lie. You can't look away. I thought I would be bored but the two hours passed by in an instant and all of a sudden all the businessmen and country club wives were headed for the parking lot, back to their regular lives. But I'm going to do something different with mine, I'm going to take all this newfound knowledge to good use. Become more educated and more connected with the world outside of myself and my own desires.
Another check off the list, but more is yet to come.
Ps. Go Ron Paul!
Emily and I decided that it was a Rare opportunity to be so close to an important debate and to have the opportunity to go. So we went. It cost 45 dollars and my mom payed for it, thank goodness, and it turned out to be well worth the investment. The energy in the arena was electrifying, wish everyone cheering or booing for their favorite candidate. I couldn't help but get into it, finding myself not only cheering but also understanding what the candidates were talking about. The issues of abortion, illegal immigration, the economy, states rights, and job creation were suddenly riveting, suddenly so relevant to my life. I don't stop to think about those things enough on a regular basis. How the whole world is connected and how though I may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, I can really make a difference. And who we elect into office truly has an effect on my own life.
This experience really did help me appreciate our country and our political system. It opened my mind to the wonders of politics. It made me feel a part of something bigger than myself, something I never really thought I could be a part of. Just listening to the candidate speak, it was enchanting. How they form their sentences and carefully form thief body language to convey a message, to get the audience to believe them, even if everything they are saying is a complete lie. You can't look away. I thought I would be bored but the two hours passed by in an instant and all of a sudden all the businessmen and country club wives were headed for the parking lot, back to their regular lives. But I'm going to do something different with mine, I'm going to take all this newfound knowledge to good use. Become more educated and more connected with the world outside of myself and my own desires.
Another check off the list, but more is yet to come.
Ps. Go Ron Paul!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Resolution #8 Update
So I didn't hook up with anyone last night, at least not that I know of or really care about. However, I did go back to the scene of the last time I broke this resolution. Bad idea. I was much too drunk and although I controlled myself enough to not do anything I would regret, I brought up some feelings I would rather not feel. I don't want to feel anything for him. I don't want to care if he's with other girls. I want to be happy and free and not worrying about some guy. But all of a sudden I care. And I don't know why. And all of a sudden it seems like he doesn't care at all anymore. And it's killing me.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Sisters
I got initiated into my sorority today!! I believe this falls into the resolution category of make lasting relationships, so I thought I would write about it.
Friends come and go, but sisters are forever. This is true of the sisters one grows up with or the ones that were born of the same parents, because those sisters you really can never get away from. You will always share a bond with your blood siblings whether you want to or not. So are sorority sisters different? Of course, you do not share the bond of being born of the same womb, but you do share some sort of mystical bond that can never really be broken. As long as you are a part of the sorority, in a way, you can never really get away from your sisters there either. You're stuck with them for life. Even more than that, you chose to be stuck with these girls for the rest of your life. Instead of being forced to share a room with your sister or wear her hand-me-down clothing, you are choosing to be a part of the lives of the 200 girls in your chapter and in some way a part of the lives of the thousands of sisters across the country. It's a huge deal.
However, not all of the relationships you make with your new sisters will come easily. You share a bond, yes, but you still have to make an effort to become close to the girls you now call sisters. Much like a blood sister, every relationship takes time and hard work. Friendships are hard. Keeping up with old ones and creating new ones and figuring out which ones are worth keeping. It can be very tiring. But its always worth it. If you get hurt or sad or just need someone to sit with, in a sorority, you have 300 girls who would do that for you. Now that might be an exaggeration, I certainly would not feel comfortable going up to any of the 300 girls and asking them to chill with me. I would, however, feel more than comfortable with the girls I know because I know they truly care about me.
It's the strangest thing, having sisters now. I grew up with one brother, who has never really misled or disappointed me. He has always been my rock. Now I have all these girls who can one day be my very best friends in the world. It is a little scary thinking about it. Exciting, but scary. This is a huge opportunity, and I want nothing more than to take full advantage of it. No one can replace my brother, but I have always wanted a sister. Now I have 300.
I think that counts as a successful day for my resolutions.
Friends come and go, but sisters are forever. This is true of the sisters one grows up with or the ones that were born of the same parents, because those sisters you really can never get away from. You will always share a bond with your blood siblings whether you want to or not. So are sorority sisters different? Of course, you do not share the bond of being born of the same womb, but you do share some sort of mystical bond that can never really be broken. As long as you are a part of the sorority, in a way, you can never really get away from your sisters there either. You're stuck with them for life. Even more than that, you chose to be stuck with these girls for the rest of your life. Instead of being forced to share a room with your sister or wear her hand-me-down clothing, you are choosing to be a part of the lives of the 200 girls in your chapter and in some way a part of the lives of the thousands of sisters across the country. It's a huge deal.
However, not all of the relationships you make with your new sisters will come easily. You share a bond, yes, but you still have to make an effort to become close to the girls you now call sisters. Much like a blood sister, every relationship takes time and hard work. Friendships are hard. Keeping up with old ones and creating new ones and figuring out which ones are worth keeping. It can be very tiring. But its always worth it. If you get hurt or sad or just need someone to sit with, in a sorority, you have 300 girls who would do that for you. Now that might be an exaggeration, I certainly would not feel comfortable going up to any of the 300 girls and asking them to chill with me. I would, however, feel more than comfortable with the girls I know because I know they truly care about me.
It's the strangest thing, having sisters now. I grew up with one brother, who has never really misled or disappointed me. He has always been my rock. Now I have all these girls who can one day be my very best friends in the world. It is a little scary thinking about it. Exciting, but scary. This is a huge opportunity, and I want nothing more than to take full advantage of it. No one can replace my brother, but I have always wanted a sister. Now I have 300.
I think that counts as a successful day for my resolutions.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Resolution Addition
Resolution #10: Do more things I haven't done before
I want to be spontaneous. I want to take advantage of what this world, and more specifically, what my college has to offer me. We only live once right? Do the things you've always wanted to do while you can. Because all we have is now.
I want to be spontaneous. I want to take advantage of what this world, and more specifically, what my college has to offer me. We only live once right? Do the things you've always wanted to do while you can. Because all we have is now.
Motivation
When embarking on a project to change yourself, you can expect some resistance. From your body, from your mind, and perhaps even from your peers. You can also expect to have days where you want to give up, to give in the to pressure caused by that resistance, and slip into the old habits you were trying to change. This indies a need for motivation.
Motivation can come in many forms. For me, my motivation for working hard is the end result. The glory and respect I might get from my peers if I achieve the body and the grades and the relationships I desire. It sounds awful, but a part of me wants to be admired. I think this must be true for everyone, at least I hope so or I probably sound like a complete tool right now. Psychologically, all people want to be loved. The motivation behind most everything we do can be boiled down to our natural desire to be loved by others. We long for companionship and acceptance by the community. In my mind, the goals that I have for this year and every year to come will help me reach my ultimate goal of acceptance.
But I suppose I should be more specific. I want my parents to be proud of my grades. I want my friends to be jealous of my body. I want the boy I like to notice me. But I suppose what I even more important than all of that, I want to be proud of myself. I want to actually feel like I've accomplished something this year. And this blog is one way of keeping track of that. So that at the end of the year, or even the month or year, I can look at myself and be proud. That is my motivation.
Motivation can come in many forms. For me, my motivation for working hard is the end result. The glory and respect I might get from my peers if I achieve the body and the grades and the relationships I desire. It sounds awful, but a part of me wants to be admired. I think this must be true for everyone, at least I hope so or I probably sound like a complete tool right now. Psychologically, all people want to be loved. The motivation behind most everything we do can be boiled down to our natural desire to be loved by others. We long for companionship and acceptance by the community. In my mind, the goals that I have for this year and every year to come will help me reach my ultimate goal of acceptance.
But I suppose I should be more specific. I want my parents to be proud of my grades. I want my friends to be jealous of my body. I want the boy I like to notice me. But I suppose what I even more important than all of that, I want to be proud of myself. I want to actually feel like I've accomplished something this year. And this blog is one way of keeping track of that. So that at the end of the year, or even the month or year, I can look at myself and be proud. That is my motivation.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Do something good for yourself
Today was a very productive day. The gym makes me feel better about myself. It is so hard tho. Despite knowing you are doing something good for yourself that will improve your overall quality of life, sometimes the pain it takes to get there is a lot to bear. Maybe that's dramatic. Probably is, working out isn't that bad.
It just sucks.
However, I can't give up. Day two of my new year experiment and I am doing great so far. Tomorrow the plan is to do a full body strength work put in the dorm before class, I think it will work out well. Ellen is on at ten, she'll give me the motivation I need.
On another note, my best friend is going through a really rough time at her school right now. She isn't happy there and I feel awful. I know how she feels, I haven't had the easiest time ever adjusting here. And then it seems like everyone else in the world is loving their college experience, everyone else has the movie picture perfect lives. Especially according to their facebooks, which probably was the worst invention ever when it comes to the whole "grass is greener on the other side" fallacy. But I don't know how to help her see that everyone has a rough time and everyone needs time to adjust. Not everything is going to work out perfectly the way you want them, but you can always make the best of what you have. On the other hand, if you really don't like something, it is up to you to change it. So it's her decision. And I'll support her whatever she ends up doing, I just wish I could be there to help her out. In the end though, she has got to do what is good for herself.
It just sucks.
However, I can't give up. Day two of my new year experiment and I am doing great so far. Tomorrow the plan is to do a full body strength work put in the dorm before class, I think it will work out well. Ellen is on at ten, she'll give me the motivation I need.
On another note, my best friend is going through a really rough time at her school right now. She isn't happy there and I feel awful. I know how she feels, I haven't had the easiest time ever adjusting here. And then it seems like everyone else in the world is loving their college experience, everyone else has the movie picture perfect lives. Especially according to their facebooks, which probably was the worst invention ever when it comes to the whole "grass is greener on the other side" fallacy. But I don't know how to help her see that everyone has a rough time and everyone needs time to adjust. Not everything is going to work out perfectly the way you want them, but you can always make the best of what you have. On the other hand, if you really don't like something, it is up to you to change it. So it's her decision. And I'll support her whatever she ends up doing, I just wish I could be there to help her out. In the end though, she has got to do what is good for herself.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Resolution #8: BROKEN
This year, I wanted to break my awful habit of hooking up with boys I don't have feelings for, or don't know at all. I have been on a streak since senior year of high school where making out with pretty much any boy is acceptable, especially when I'm drunk. Drunk Me loves the make out. I realized I do this yes for the enjoyment of hooking up with someone, but also to protect myself. To protect my heart. If I hook with guys that don't matter to me I don't have to care. I can lie to myself that I don't care. If I put myself out there and attempt to commit to one person, I am opening myself up to getting hurt. That scares the hell out of me. But I've learned that getting hurt is part of life. Pretending that I'm protecting myself by giving myself to guys that don't care about me only hurts myself more. So, the resolution: no more hooking up with guys that don't care about me or can see myself having a future with. Yeah, I know, it's a long one. But it needed clarification. Anyway, already, on day eight of this great new year, I broke one of my promises to myself. I hooked up with a boy that, although he does in fact care very much about me, I can't see myself with in the future. He is my best friend and I think I may have ruined everything we had. I don't know what to do. So, yesterday was a failure on the resolution front. But tomorrow is another day.
My Resolutions
2012. A whole new year, full of promise and hope for better days. No matter what happened in 2011, death, destruction, divorce, break ups, failures, it all seems to be erased as we go into the new year. Armed with our lists of resolutions and shiny new gym memberships, we boldly crossed the 2011 finish line ready to create our new and improved selves.
This is my resolution. I created a list for myself, just like the millions of other new year hopefuls, and decided that writing about my progress everyday in this blog would be a great way to keep myself in check. Plus, writing a blog is on my list, so check off number off. As long as I keep up.
Resolutions:
1. Write a blog
2. Work out
3. Eat healthy
4. Control spending
5. Meet new people and form lasting relationships
6. Read more
7. Keep my grades up
8. Don't hook up with anyone I'm not dating
9. Keep my grades up
If I'm forgetting anything, I'll update the list as I go. So here goes nothing, wish me luck.
This is my resolution. I created a list for myself, just like the millions of other new year hopefuls, and decided that writing about my progress everyday in this blog would be a great way to keep myself in check. Plus, writing a blog is on my list, so check off number off. As long as I keep up.
Resolutions:
1. Write a blog
2. Work out
3. Eat healthy
4. Control spending
5. Meet new people and form lasting relationships
6. Read more
7. Keep my grades up
8. Don't hook up with anyone I'm not dating
9. Keep my grades up
If I'm forgetting anything, I'll update the list as I go. So here goes nothing, wish me luck.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)