Resolution #8: BROKEN

This year, I wanted to break my awful habit of hooking up with boys I don't have feelings for, or don't know at all. I have been on a streak since senior year of high school where making out with pretty much any boy is acceptable, especially when I'm drunk. Drunk Me loves the make out. I realized I do this yes for the enjoyment of hooking up with someone, but also to protect myself. To protect my heart. If I hook with guys that don't matter to me I don't have to care. I can lie to myself that I don't care. If I put myself out there and attempt to commit to one person, I am opening myself up to getting hurt. That scares the hell out of me. But I've learned that getting hurt is part of life. Pretending that I'm protecting myself by giving myself to guys that don't care about me only hurts myself more. So, the resolution: no more hooking up with guys that don't care about me or can see myself having a future with. Yeah, I know, it's a long one. But it needed clarification. Anyway, already, on day eight of this great new year, I broke one of my promises to myself. I hooked up with a boy that, although he does in fact care very much about me, I can't see myself with in the future. He is my best friend and I think I may have ruined everything we had. I don't know what to do. So, yesterday was a failure on the resolution front. But tomorrow is another day.