The next step

All my life, I've known what I wanted. Since I was a little girl, the goal has been to study hard, get good grades, and get into a good college. Once I realized that I was smart, or at least smart enough to do just enough work to get the grade, to study just enough to remember the information, all I wanted was to go to a good college. I wanted people to recognize my strength in school work, my ability to achieve higher than the standard. So, I wanted to get into the glory school. In my case, Chapel Hill. It was all I wanted for as long as I could understand what that meant, probably even before. I worked hard, and I fulfilled that dream. I got in.

But circumstance being as it is, I decided to choose a different glory school, one not for the name and recognition, but for what it could offer me personally. USC gave me a full ride, and I took it, making sure everyone knew what a huge honor it was. Modestly, of course.

So I got the grades and made it in the school. Now what? I'm searching for a reason, a next step. Why am I at this school? What am I doing with my life? Every action you take, ever choice you make affects your life. I sit here in my dorm room and wonder how this is affecting my life.

I have no plan. I have no dream. I have no desire of what I want after I get out of this school. I see myself, successful and in love and happy, but the picture surrounding me is blank. There's nothing. No path for me to follow. I'm searching for my way but the harder I search the harder it seems to find it. What is my calling? What am I supposed to be doing? Why is it that everyone else knows and I am left behind in the dust?

I am supposed to have all this potential. After all, I was the one who set the standards back in high school. I exceeded all the test scores. I was projected to go far. That's what all those numbers were supposed to mean, right? That i would go far. But for some reason, I'm stuck.

What's the next step????