This morning I woke up running from my dreams. Nightmares, more like. When I have a nightmare, sometimes the easiest thing is to do jump from my bed and leave my room far behind me. When nothing is going my way, it is easiest to run in the opposite direction. Start over. That is my default attitude toward any failure. Start over. But sometimes, you can't start over. You have to pick yourself up and fix what you have broken, try and try again to make it work. I can't keep running from bad reputations or missed opportunities. I can't keep starting from scratch. Starting from scratch it easy, with a clean slate you can do anything. But I can't use that as a crutch. I have to learn how to clean off my own slate with my own sweat and tears, not rely on others to let me start over.
This morning I woke up running from my own dreams. It's hard to see yourself for who you really are and decide that it is you that needs to change, not the world around you. Your dreams should compel you to move forward, drive you to do better. But sometimes your dreams hold you back, in fear of what you can accomplish, in fear of what you can lose. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to do better, be better.
Tomorrow morning I want to wake up walking with my head held high, toward the day to come.
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